In the biggest game of basketball ever played, the mighty 7 Shades of Amber crushed the Heavy Beers in the inaugural Beers Megabowl blockbuster at Auchenflower on Thursday night.

Led by inspirational MVP Dirty Cooper and a streamlined Mr Plow, THE 7SOA scored an emphatic 47-30 victory over hapless Heavies in a contest that lived up to the pre-match hype that engulfed the globe.

The win was sealed when Greg ”Smokey” Davis produced a Kareem-like skyhook midway through the final quarter after Herman threatened to kill him if he didn’t attempt the extremely difficult shot.

7SOA captain Davis said he was delighted with the victory and was proud of the way his side handled the occasion.

“I am delighted with the victory and I’m proud of the way my side handled the occasion,” Davis told the post-match press conference.

“The Heavies started well but it was only a matter of time before we overpowered them. We were just too good, too often.”

“Even though we have played only one Megabowl, we all have so many great memories already from what will become the most eagerly anticipated basketball game on the planet.”

Heavies captain BDF was fouled out of the game in the final quarter crushing any hope of an unlikely comeback against the rampaging 7SOA who were well-served by their entire star-studded roster. Inside, outside, on the break and on the boards, the 7SOA were clearly the superior squad.

In other Megabowl highlights:

• BDF & Smokey with the MegabowlWolfie won the inaugural Haas medal for showing ”more hole than show” by storming out of the stadium after the match.
• Snoop almost snatched the Sidey medal after attracting 3 fouls in the first 10 seconds.
• Snoop avoided the Sidey Medal by staying on the court for the rest of the game
• Snoop producing three airballs on free throws to leave him 3 cartons indebt to the club
• Piggy playing despite having a finger almost amputated pre-match.
• Dirty Cooper doing everything well and deservedly walked away with the genuine plastic Megabowl.

Beers CEO Kris “Skinny Plow” Robinson said the inaugural Megabowl was such a success that the showcase match would become a permanent feature on the Beers calendar.

“The inaugural Megabowl was such a success that the showcase match will become a prominent feature on the Beers calendar,” Skinny Plow told Fox Sports.

Players were feted at a street parade the day after the match when a still entoxicated Herman told city shoppers to “take a teaspoon of cement and harden the f()*ck up!!!”.